Slight Flip-Around

Last night, I treated myself to a fantastic dinner with a bunch of the children's advocates from the YWCA. We went to Johnny Carino's, which is comparable to an Olive Garden, and pigged out on bread and oil, salads, and pasta. It was amazing, and we just sat and laughed for hours (literally! 2 1/2 hours!). I think it was much needed and a really great beginning to my week.

This morning, I came to work to lead a "blogging training" for the professors in my program, since one of my projects has been to start an IYFD newsletter. Well, after gathering some stories throughout the year, we decided to create it via blog. So far, it's been great, and it should hopefully be much more effective than a paper newsletter or an email newsletter. Check out the IYFD blog here. I arrived at the training and discovered that my professors had graciously brought a dozen roses for me, in thanks for coordinating the admissions process! How sweet. What a great beginning to my Monday! They are beautiful, and I will try to take a picture or two and post them, but I am without my camera at the moment. Multicolored - two red, two hot pink, two light pink, two yellow/pink, two peach, and two white. Beautiful!

Also, I am heading to get a "back pain analysis" on Thursday. I somehow hurt my tailbone/lower spine on Saturday, and the pain has been getting excruciatingly worse (well, it's hard to monitor only over a period of two-three days, but the pain has doubled since yesterday). It hurts to sit, stand, walk, lay down, and everything in between. I am hoping that it is a fluke and that it is better by Thursday, but please pray that it is not anything more serious. I'll keep you updated.

Also, just a follow up on one of my postings from Saturday. I am not a crazy person or a psycho, but I think that we all have bad days or bad weeks, and I hope that this is normal. I think we also all have times where we doubt ourselves, our abilities, and everything around us. I think we lose faith along the way sometimes, and it can be hard to see the light. I write for several reasons. I write to express myself. I write so that you know what is going on in my life, good or bad, whether you read it or not. I write so that I can put a real person behind my writings and doings. And as I write, I will not filter my bad feelings from my writings, because I think we all have them. But how often do we express them? I am not saying that we should all be angry or depressed or disillusioned by the world at all times, but I think it is healthy to share that with the people you love if challenging times come up. When you read, I want you to keep in mind that I am sharing all of me, not just the great, fantastic, wonderful days. I am also sharing the gray and gloomy days. And I appreciate you for sticking with me, even in my gray and gloomy days. Even when I don't see the light or continue to have faith.

My dad called me this weekend and expressed his concern, but he also helped me to see that I do have some control over my situation (which is also a strongheld belief of mine, but one that I sometimes forget). He said, "Well, what do you need to do to make your situation better?". He created that awareness within me. But he also challenged me and said some of the things that were on my mind anyways. He said, "How are you going to handle this in the Philippines? What will you do there?" This is true - it's something I have thought about. It's a situation that will be dripping of so many different emotions and thoughts - excitement, anticipation, anxiety, doubts, fear, happiness, etc. But I also think that it's something I need to do to challenge myself. And it's something that will be very different than anything I have ever done. Being away from my family and being in Montana is very different than being halfway around the world, where I will be immersed in a culture and always learning new and wonderful things about a different culture, and will be learning so much about myself as well. In Montana, it is definitely a different culture than Wisconsin, but it is also very much the same. I learned the Montana faux pas quickly after being here - don't wear high heels even if you want to, don't say you like cities, don't claim that you're a rollerblader, wear expensive outdoor clothing as much as you can, tell people that you only eat organic (even if you don't), don't confess your obsession with chocolate, etc. And then, the learning and challenges were over and it was back to the humdrum of student life. So anyways, what I am trying to say is that I think it will be different, and I will have no option but to be strong and open-minded and healthy. And I'll do it. So, thank you for sticking with me on the gray and gloomy days, and I know you have your doubts of me (as I do as well) but please trust. And also, if you ever have a gray or gloomy day, it's okay to share it and I'd be glad to listen and support, just as you all have for me.

Peace. Love.