Hopes and Dreams

It's 1:30 AM and I'm about to go to bed, as I have to get up early tomorrow morning for a trip to the Bitterroot. I just finished writing my final reflection paper for my IYFD seminar course, which means my final reflection paper for the entire year! A-maz-ing. I really liked the paper though, and I thought I would share it. If I read it too much, it sounds more and more lofty and "gag-me"ish, so I would suggest that you only read it once, before you start believing that I like myself way too much. Love you all. Peace.

Reflection Paper #5: The Life Plan

Every time I attend an interview for a new job, there is one question that I absolutely dread. It is always a question that is hanging out there, whether it is verbally mentioned or not, and it is definitely a question that I find is less asked since I have been in the human services field than in engineering. I really believe that no one enjoys answering it, so I wonder who created the question specifically for job interviews. It is a question that is relevant to everything in life, whether being asked by parents who are helping their child through college, or lovers who are interested in creating a life vision, or youth workers who are trying to help teenagers imagine a dream for themselves. But there’s something about it—when the answer is put on paper or is taken as an “official” answer—that makes it eerie and final, sending tingles down my spine in an unwelcome manner. Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20 (insert number here) years? Eek! Well, I am going to attempt to answer this in all truth, putting my hopes onto paper and thus creating a pseudo-goal sheet for myself.

In two years, it will be May of 2010. I will be 26-years-old and will be over a year and a half into my Peace Corps service in the Philippines. By this time, I will have survived giardiasis and many other kinds of parasitic infections, sunburn in places on my body I didn’t know existed, and learning a new language and making many mistakes. I will have made priceless friendships, fell in love (maybe once, maybe more), hosted family members and friends from the States, lived to tell ridiculous and funny stories about situations I shouldn’t have been in, and developed solid friendships within my community. I will have gained professional experience in working effectively with youth and adults from other cultures, in developing and implementing programs for youth, in being creative in using the minimal resources I had, and in taking an idea and making it a reality. Personally, I will have found a hundred things that I could do that I never thought I would, I will have challenged myself beyond my wildest dreams, and I will have come out of the Peace Corps a much stronger, committed, and motivated human being. Of course, all this is dependent on what happens between now and then, and it is simply a hope and a dream.

In seven years, it will be May of 2015. I will be 32-years-old and will be finishing my dual-Ph.D. in Social Work and Sociology at the University of Michigan. For the thirtieth winter of my life, I will once again promise myself that I am never settling in a place that gets snow on a regular basis. By this time, I will be completing my dissertation—a comparative study on the effects of child trafficking and sex tourism on communities. I will be looking forward to officially having my Ph.D. but will know that it is only the start of a career that will involve a combination of practice, research, and teaching. Of course, all this is dependent on what happens between now and then, and it is simply a hope and a dream.

In twenty years, it will be May of 2028. I will be 44-years-old and will be a social work professor at the University of Wisconsin, allowing me to be within a three-hour-drive of my aging parents (now grandparents) and my nieces and nephews. For the millionth time, I will promise myself that I will retire in a place that is warm and sunny year round. Fortunately, though, I have spent the past ten winter breaks conducting research on child trafficking and human rights in various communities in Guatemala and the Philippines. During this time, I have become a key informant on child trafficking to both the Guatemalan and Philippine governments. I have also ventured a bit into the child trafficking arena in South Africa, but have not made any solid connections yet. During the semesters, my focus has been on teaching methods courses at the University in an interactive, student-centered manner, encouraging service learning for hands-on learning, and utilizing a human rights and social justice framework for conceptual understanding. Of course, all this is dependent on what happens between now and then, and it is simply a hope and a dream.

In forty years, it will be May of 2048. I will be 64-years-old and will be deep into my career in teaching and research. I will have realized that I haven’t focused on being a practitioner nearly as much as I had hoped, but I am satisfied. On my morning walks with my husband and my dogs (a Westie and a Scottie), we plan our retirements at the age of 70, and the questions come up. Since people are living longer and longer, we know that retirement doesn’t mean quitting work. What will our next careers be? Where will we go? What will we do? Perhaps I will fundraise for multiple sclerosis as I bike across the country a few times; or perhaps I will go back to school and finally take that photojournalism class that I have been meaning to take, thus allowing me to become a travel photographer; or perhaps I will run for government at the state level, attempting to make systemic change on issues where it is needed more. But the walk and the talk will end, and we’ll resume our discussion of our dreams the next day. Of course, all this is dependent on what happens between now and then, and it is simply a hope and a dream.

I think the lessons here are clear. We do not know what the future holds for our lives or our country or the world. We do not know what will happen in our professions in fifty years and how that will affect people throughout the world. We do not get to see what will happen tomorrow until it actually happens. If I had the chance to look within a magic ball and see my life in forty years, I think I would do it. It’s scary—many of these ideas and dreams in this paper and in my mind will probably never come true. They might though, and my life might be as fantastic as I had hoped. Or not. All of the possibilities and all of the unknowns are overwhelming, but I know that each new day and each new challenge is an opportunity to learn a little more about myself and a little more about the world around me.

Light at the end of the tunnel

So thank you for being patient as I continue to be delinquent on my blog postings. The end of the semester is near! Which also means that moving back to the midwest is near...saying good-bye to my wonderful friends here is near...and packing up my life into my car is near. Hm. Stress. Oh well. It's almost over!

Good news - I got published! I finally found out that the trilogy of book reviews that I wrote last summer was published in the Families in Society journal - I made the last page, but hey, I guess I have to start somewhere. Feel free to check it out if you want - I'll also be getting print copies in the mail as well at some point.

Last Friday, I went to see both The Bucket List and The Kite Runner. Both were amazing, and I definitely walked out of the first movie balling. I've read The Kite Runner already, and I know most people are nervous about seeing a movie if they've already read the book, or vice versa. My rating is that they are equally as good - I know, unbelievable, right? But the movie is really well-done. I would recommend both.

Let's see here - Saturday night I attended a Peace Corps potluck for all RPCVs in the Missoula area, as well as those who are currently in the application process or have already been placed. It was a great time and I met some really cool people. I also got great tips on how to keep my underwear mildew-free. Yay! After the potluck, a bunch of us--me, Lindsay, Brendan, Kendra, Matthew, Becca, Zach, Laura, Cameron--headed to The Jack Saloon up in Lolo Pass. It is in the middle of nowhere, and we drove there in a blizzard. Craziness. So worth it though when the band was amazing. A good ol' country band always makes a drive worth it. It was a fun night of dancing, singing, and spending time with friends. Gotta love it. We enjoyed a big bowl of homemade puppy chow on the way home, that I had leftover from the potluck. Yum.

Currently, I've been working on a needs assessment for the grant proposal I need to write for my non-profit class....it's coming along slowly. I want it to be a great proposal, so I'm taking a long time to put statistics together, but I am finding some crazy stats for Manitowoc County youth, compared to statewide stats. Eek. Anyways, I'm also working on a project on child trafficking for my social work class. For as big of a problem as it is, there is surprisingly little information and statistics on the issue! It's a bit crazy....so today I had to change my focus from solely the Philippines to southeast Asia in general. We'll see how it goes! I'm reading a ton of research and not finding that great of information. Also, I have a presentation on Aging Cross-Culturally on Thursday - all done, just have to present. And then....and then....well, the semester's not over, but almost. After that, simply a reflection paper, finishing my grant, doing my literature review for social work, reflecting on my time at MAC, and.....and.....okay more than that. But almost done!

Love all.

The Works

So, it's 11:15 and I am finally home from my busy day, realizing that I promised promised PROMISED I would write today. Well, for those of you who are timing, I did not make the midnight cut-off for the CST. It's been a long day; I'm sitting in my sweatpants with two of my Grandma's famous Kit-Kat bars next to me (her recipe, but I made them), my Nalgene full of water, and my bed right next to me...so warm and welcoming. But alas, I hardly ever take back a promise.

This past weekend, my friends Lindsay and Brendan (in from Chicago) and I ventured to the bustling city of Great Falls, MT. The purpose of the trip was to visit the Sip n' Dip at the O'Haire Motor Inn. Both are world-renowned and famous, of course. The best part of the Sip n' Dip (and basically the only reason we went) is the mermaid that they have swimming in the pool behind the bar. For serious, check it out! Anyways, I'll get to that later of course.

We got there after a three hour drive and met our friend Lukin, who was in Great Falls taking a motorcycle safety course (with the price of gas nowadays...). We subsequently decided to venture into downtown Great Falls, where we were greeted by hmmmm no one in the downtown area on a beautiful Saturday evening (70 degrees) besides a few meth addicts and a large church of Harley-riders. A bit odd. I actually saw more people hanging out in one alley than we passed in a few blocks on the sidewalk. Well, that's neither here nor there, but the picture of the town may give you a slight idea of the rest of our weekend. We ventured out to a "Mexican" restaurant and were so happy when we stumbled upon a "Mexican" restaurant off the main drag. There were cars there, so we figured it must be good. WRONG. If only we could have captured the surprise on our faces when our "tacos" showed up in hard-shells. Hmmm. This "Mexican" restaurant may have been a slightly American restaurant, trying to pull off a Mexican reputation simply by having a Mexican name. We hadn't even considered the option that our tacos would show up in hard-shells...ahhh, our naivety.

Lindsay and Brendan really excited for the O'Haire Motor Inn - straight out of the 1950's!

We may have found Jesus in Great Falls...literally, he was everywhere.

Anyways, following dinner we headed to the Sip n' Dip Lounge, which is within the O'Haire Motor Inn. Oh yes, another really important part of the Sip n' Dip is "Piano Pat", who has been playing the "synthesizer" at this place for 45 years. 45 YEARS! That's a long time. Anyways, so she started her music and the mermaid was a'swimming. She wan't your typical "Ariel" mermaid, but according to the waitress, "[they've] been having a lot of trouble with mermaids lately". This came up only after we thought the mermaid went on a short break and she didn't return - apparently she hadn't felt good and had to go home. What?!?! The mermaid can't leave....that's what we travelled for! We were frustrated. But, we spent the rest of our night getting to know the Great Falls area (I probably won't ever return) and just having a grand ol' time. We topped the evening off with an amazing cheese pizza before going to bed. Yum.

Lindsay and I

Me, Lindsay, Brendan, and Lukin enjoying a fun night

Morning time came, and we eventually checked out to head back to Missoula. We knew we needed breakfast. Well, downtown Great Falls is home to a Hardee's. Yes! A real, live Hardee's! Hardee's was such an integral part of my childhood with its playlands and two locations in Manitowoc...ahhh, birthday parties and that merry-go-round. So fun. Anyways, they also have the best hash rounds a person could ever dream of, and that's what brought us to Hardee's. Don't worry. We didn't actually eat a meal there. We just went through the drive through to order two large hash rounds to take with us, before we stopped for breakfast 2 miles down the road. Lippi's Kitchen. This is the place to be, I tell ya. Sunday morning - the place was packed. We figured it had to be amazing, but later on we had our doubts. Our waitress was slightly hmmm...not nice, we could say. After spilling Lindsay's coffee on her because she wasn't looking when she slammed it down, the waitress kindly took our orders--French Toast for both Lindsay and I, and an omelette for Brendan. Safe and easy. About 20 minutes later, I noticed that two women at a table next to us had received their breakfasts, even though they had entered the restaurant after us. The nerve. They both had apparently ordered French Toast as well, because that is what they got. Well, then our food came out. Eeek! Lindsay and I both received plates of French Toast Sticks (from the freezer!) and a sausage patty. Yuck. I could've gone shopping at Sam's Club and made that in the microwave at home. Well, we looked at the ladies next to us, and they looked at us. They looked at their food. They looked at each other. They shrugged, and began eating. I said, "I think we have their food, and they have ours. They totally know it." Well, sure enough, the waitress flies out of the kitchen and says she messed up. Lindsay and I haven't touched our plates. Hmmm...but the other women have. If you were a waitress, what would YOU do? Well, if you were the waitress in Great Falls, you would simply switch the plates, even though the other women had already started eating. But of course, one a plate with a half-eaten piece of French Toast was put down in front of Lindsay, you would use a used fork to stab the half-eaten piece and take it away. Then you would kindly tell Lindsay that you would bring her another. Ey-ey-ey. My toast was already buttered and dunked in syrup. So, basically we sat there and looked at each other, saying "Did that really just happen?" Yes, it did. And we laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Really. It happened. The waitress didn't even attempt to step into the kitchen to pretend that we were getting new plates. It was quite obvious that they were used. Ahhhh, life. The good times.

Although this is a "horrible" picture, the look on their faces sums up our experience at Lippi's Kitchen

And then we laughed about it! Used French Toast...ahhh, good times.

Sunday night after returning to Missoula (by the way, it hit 78 degrees on Sunday...but it's cold already again), I had a potluck for my Intergroup Dialogues course that met in the beginning of this summer. Good times.


And then today, I was asked to participate in an art project where I was supposed to put some sort of abstract feeling of my power onto paper. As I watched everyone else appear as if they had a clear sense of what they were doing (while my paper remained blank of any "real" feelings), the result was me bursting into tears in the middle of class. I don't know why. Haha, it was a bit odd, but I think it's been a culmination of just all the emotional changes that I've been going through in my life, my extreme frustration with my graduate program, and my personal inability to really be a "spiritual" person, like I see so many other people being. But I've talked to people about it, and it's all good. No worries.

Anyways, I think there's a lot more that I could write, but I am pretty tired and have to get up super early tomorrow - another long day, yikes. When will school be over?!?!

My Promise

It's Monday night at 11:00, and the muscle relaxants I have just taken for my back pain are starting to kick in. This means many things, but clearly the most important thing that it means is that I am going to bed, but I WILL BLOG TOMORROW. You have my word. If I don't, I owe you all an air-hug, that I will mail invisibly. It will be expensive, so I better get to it. Hope you all are well. Love.

Flowers

My gift from my professors...see below for previous post!

Slight Flip-Around

Last night, I treated myself to a fantastic dinner with a bunch of the children's advocates from the YWCA. We went to Johnny Carino's, which is comparable to an Olive Garden, and pigged out on bread and oil, salads, and pasta. It was amazing, and we just sat and laughed for hours (literally! 2 1/2 hours!). I think it was much needed and a really great beginning to my week.

This morning, I came to work to lead a "blogging training" for the professors in my program, since one of my projects has been to start an IYFD newsletter. Well, after gathering some stories throughout the year, we decided to create it via blog. So far, it's been great, and it should hopefully be much more effective than a paper newsletter or an email newsletter. Check out the IYFD blog here. I arrived at the training and discovered that my professors had graciously brought a dozen roses for me, in thanks for coordinating the admissions process! How sweet. What a great beginning to my Monday! They are beautiful, and I will try to take a picture or two and post them, but I am without my camera at the moment. Multicolored - two red, two hot pink, two light pink, two yellow/pink, two peach, and two white. Beautiful!

Also, I am heading to get a "back pain analysis" on Thursday. I somehow hurt my tailbone/lower spine on Saturday, and the pain has been getting excruciatingly worse (well, it's hard to monitor only over a period of two-three days, but the pain has doubled since yesterday). It hurts to sit, stand, walk, lay down, and everything in between. I am hoping that it is a fluke and that it is better by Thursday, but please pray that it is not anything more serious. I'll keep you updated.

Also, just a follow up on one of my postings from Saturday. I am not a crazy person or a psycho, but I think that we all have bad days or bad weeks, and I hope that this is normal. I think we also all have times where we doubt ourselves, our abilities, and everything around us. I think we lose faith along the way sometimes, and it can be hard to see the light. I write for several reasons. I write to express myself. I write so that you know what is going on in my life, good or bad, whether you read it or not. I write so that I can put a real person behind my writings and doings. And as I write, I will not filter my bad feelings from my writings, because I think we all have them. But how often do we express them? I am not saying that we should all be angry or depressed or disillusioned by the world at all times, but I think it is healthy to share that with the people you love if challenging times come up. When you read, I want you to keep in mind that I am sharing all of me, not just the great, fantastic, wonderful days. I am also sharing the gray and gloomy days. And I appreciate you for sticking with me, even in my gray and gloomy days. Even when I don't see the light or continue to have faith.

My dad called me this weekend and expressed his concern, but he also helped me to see that I do have some control over my situation (which is also a strongheld belief of mine, but one that I sometimes forget). He said, "Well, what do you need to do to make your situation better?". He created that awareness within me. But he also challenged me and said some of the things that were on my mind anyways. He said, "How are you going to handle this in the Philippines? What will you do there?" This is true - it's something I have thought about. It's a situation that will be dripping of so many different emotions and thoughts - excitement, anticipation, anxiety, doubts, fear, happiness, etc. But I also think that it's something I need to do to challenge myself. And it's something that will be very different than anything I have ever done. Being away from my family and being in Montana is very different than being halfway around the world, where I will be immersed in a culture and always learning new and wonderful things about a different culture, and will be learning so much about myself as well. In Montana, it is definitely a different culture than Wisconsin, but it is also very much the same. I learned the Montana faux pas quickly after being here - don't wear high heels even if you want to, don't say you like cities, don't claim that you're a rollerblader, wear expensive outdoor clothing as much as you can, tell people that you only eat organic (even if you don't), don't confess your obsession with chocolate, etc. And then, the learning and challenges were over and it was back to the humdrum of student life. So anyways, what I am trying to say is that I think it will be different, and I will have no option but to be strong and open-minded and healthy. And I'll do it. So, thank you for sticking with me on the gray and gloomy days, and I know you have your doubts of me (as I do as well) but please trust. And also, if you ever have a gray or gloomy day, it's okay to share it and I'd be glad to listen and support, just as you all have for me.

Peace. Love.

The US & the UNCRC

I thought I would share a recent letter I wrote for my Social Work in a Global Context Course. The idea of the assignment was to write a position paper, but I chose to write a letter to Senator Feingold (D-WI) about the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child and the US's continued non-ratification of this world-wide accepted document. So, to give you an idea of what I've been doing and some of the research I've been focusing on - also, it's great to create awareness of the UNCRC and what our country is doing (not doing) in relation to it.

19 March 2008
Senator Russ Feingold
506 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510-4904

Dear Senator Feingold,

Throughout the United States and around the world, millions of children are the victims of injustice as the result of mistreatment, neglect, or a denial of basic human rights on a daily basis. Millions of children’s voices are silenced each day by their governments, social institutions, criminal justice systems, and familial and cultural expectations. The silencing is pervasive, oppressive, and systemic.

The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child is historically the world’s most ratified and comprehensive international agreement regarding children’s rights. Granting children throughout the world rights that lie under four basic principles—the right to survival; the right to develop to the fullest potential; the right to protection from abuse, neglect, and exploitation; and the right to participate in family, cultural, and social life—the UNCRC is a document that both protects and enhances the lives of children and their families (Child Rights Campaign, 2007). Since it seems that rights of children should be a strong principle of every government, it is puzzling why the United States remains one of only two countries in the entire world that have not ratified the UNCRC (the other country being Somalia, which does not have an internationally recognized government). Perhaps through looking at the US’s non-ratification of the UNCRC through a global context, it will help to paint a clear picture of the injustices that continue in our own country.

Issues of mistreatment, silencing, and oppression do not just happen in far-off lands, where we are not constantly reminded visually day-in and day-out of their existence, but rather, children are being denied their rights in our own backyards. “The Children’s Defense Fund (2002) reports that ‘every day in America’ 9 children and youth under 20 are homicide victims; 180 children are arrested for violent crimes; 401 babies are born to mothers who had late or no prenatal care; 1,310 babies are born without health insurance; 2,019 babies are born into poverty; 2,816 high school students drop out; 4,248 children are arrested; 7,833 children are reported abused or neglected; 2,555 public school children are corporally punished; 17,297 public school students are suspended. Every day this occurs. Every day. Is this a condition that you find acceptable?” (Homan, 2004, p. 6).

In my research, I discovered four main projected concerns for the US in choosing to ratify the UNCRC—that it will undermine parental rights; that states will be required to change their death penalty and juvenile justice laws; that the US will be required to provide economic, social, and cultural rights to children in addition to political and civil rights; and that state jurisdiction will be lessened (Children's Rights, 2005). In addition, Human Rights Watch found in an extensive study three areas in which the US “[falls] measurably short of standards included in the Convention on the Rights of the Child—conditions for children in the justice system, detention of children by the Immigration and Naturalization Service, and the use of children as soldiers” (Human Rights Watch, 2006).

In the area of children within the justice system, statistics are extremely disturbing. The UNCRC forbids “life imprisonment without possibility of release” for “offenses committed by persons below eighteen years of age” (UNICEF, 2006). However, according to Human Rights Watch, laws in forty-two states require that a child who has committed a serious crime under the age of eighteen—in some states children as young as ten—be tried in adult court. Across the US, there are over 2,225 people that have been sentenced to spend life without parole in prison for crimes they committed as children. Of these, 59% received this life sentence for their first-ever conviction of any crime. In addition, racial disparities are clear—nationwide, black youth are sentenced to life in prison at a rate that is ten times greater than white youth. Looking at this crisis from a global perspective, it is clear that the US continues to deny children their basic rights that would be granted with ratification of the UNCRC. For instance, at least 132 countries around the world reject the possibility of life without parole for child offenders. Additionally, of 154 countries from which Human Rights Watch received data, only three countries currently had people serving life without parole for crimes they committed as children (Human Rights Watch, 2006). Globally, the United States is far behind other countries in recognizing the capacities, dignities, and deserved rights of children.

Senator Feingold, I want to ask you to create a dialogue within the Senate regarding the UNCRC and its positive implications for youth in the US. With ratification of the treaty, the US could truly serve as a global leader in recognizing children’s rights, in both words and action. Senator Feingold, I ask you to ponder deeply about the implications for our nation’s children in their denial of social, economic, and cultural rights. Senator Feingold, I ask you to think about the current state of the world’s children and the US’s potential to improve the lives of children both domestically and globally. Most of all, Senator Feingold, I ask you to be ready to ratify the UNCRC when the time comes and to develop a community within the Senate that truly promotes the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual growth and development of children in the US and throughout the world.

Thank you for your time in considering the future state of children and youth.

Sincerely,



Lynn M. Debilzen

A Little Bit o' Mush

You may have been wondering several questions: Is Lynn alive? Did she get eaten by bears? What has been going on these two weeks while she wasn't writing in her blog? Where do babies come from? Ahhh, the questions of life. Anyways, yes I'm alive. Barely. The closeness to me being eaten by bears, however, is not a joke. Okay, you're right - I may be exaggerating. I did not get close to a bear. I did not even see a bear. You may even think that it's a ridiculous notion because bears are hibernating. Well, my friends, although I did not see one, I could feel the presence of bears all around me. This is all in Glacier National Park, if you are wondering and if you weren't following previous posts where I discussed my mom's upcoming visit (no longer upcoming). But we had a fantastic time, and I was sad to see her go. Click here to see my album, entitled "When those bears wake up, they're going to be hungry".

But the reason I did not post anything since then is because I've been preparing for the Graduate Research Conference which was held today. I don't even know if I can tell you the level of nervousness I felt for this presentation. I presented my paper entitled, "Crisis in the Western Hemisphere: Maternal Healthcare in Haiti". Monday through Thursday, my anxiety level was about a 24 on a 10-point scale. No joke. I even cried one night after my mom asked me how the weather has been. I hope this is not a projection of how my life will be in the future, but it is definitely a representation of how things have been going lately. I have been trying to cope with the tough days healthily - going to the gym and biking until my buttcheeks hurt and my right knee is swollen, staying busy with schoolwork, working, reading, going for a hike, etc. The reality is, though, sometimes I cry. Most times I binge on some form of chocolate, whether it is brownies (or right now, cream-cheese frosted brownies), ice cream, or M&Ms. Often I have a drink or two while I am doing my homework or watching TV. I hit snooze until I absolutely have to get up. I even get lonely...wait, I feel lonely all the time. Is this what it's going to be like, as soon as my life stops being filled with fun, new, exciting things to do? Perhaps it is my issue that I do not know how to entertain myself when the opportunity isn't right in front of my face. I don't know the answer.

But anyways, I realize this post has strayed. The point of it was to let you know how the research conference went. Well, my presentation was fantastic. I did great and felt really confident about it. There was a small technical glitch when the PowerPoint was converted to the older format, but I apologized. Besides that, the presentation was amazing and I did a much better job than I expected. All of that practice time really paid off!!! I was, however, sort of upset that I gave the presentation to an audience of unfamiliar faces. Barack Obama (no, he was not at my presentation....but I know that's what you were thinking, wasn't it????) was speaking this morning on campus, so that took priority for the most part. I totally understand. A professor, however (whose class this presentation was for), told me, "I will be there". Well, she came in as I was answering my last question. Then I sat down because my presentation was done. I can't help but relate this to youth work. One of the six competencies (and perhaps the most important one) is to be dependable and predictable. It is E.S.S.E.N.T.I.A.L. to being a successful youth worker. If I tell a kid that I will be at their basketball game, I will be there. If I can't get there, I need to make every effort to somehow relay that message and a sincere apology later. And I better not be skipping their basketball game for a piddly reason. Anyways, my point is that I know I am not a "youth". I am not under the age of 18, and therefore these perhaps do not apply to me. However, I still believe there is that youth-adult relationship there that goes along with student-professor. And I was let down. It was not predictable or reliable. And I gave a presentation to very energetic and willing faces, but none of which I knew. Perhaps it turned out better than it would have otherwise, and perhaps I am blowing it out of proportion, and perhaps it is no big deal. But I know I won't say anything because I feel that it would be a bit selfiish and egocentric, like an 13-year-old, pissed at their youth worker for not coming to their basketball game. Oh well. Long story short, I did a great job. I've been lonely and trying, trying, trying to be healthy. And I miss my family and friends that are scattered so far about the country and world that I know I will never get to see all of them. And I am ready to be done with school. And I know I am not ready to leave my friends here, but it has to be done. It's all just seeming to end up as a snowball in my brain at one time, and it keeps getting bigger. Anyways, my unclear thoughts have turned into unclear mushy words on my blog. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

But, go brewers!!!!!!!!!!!