A Little Bit o' Mush

You may have been wondering several questions: Is Lynn alive? Did she get eaten by bears? What has been going on these two weeks while she wasn't writing in her blog? Where do babies come from? Ahhh, the questions of life. Anyways, yes I'm alive. Barely. The closeness to me being eaten by bears, however, is not a joke. Okay, you're right - I may be exaggerating. I did not get close to a bear. I did not even see a bear. You may even think that it's a ridiculous notion because bears are hibernating. Well, my friends, although I did not see one, I could feel the presence of bears all around me. This is all in Glacier National Park, if you are wondering and if you weren't following previous posts where I discussed my mom's upcoming visit (no longer upcoming). But we had a fantastic time, and I was sad to see her go. Click here to see my album, entitled "When those bears wake up, they're going to be hungry".

But the reason I did not post anything since then is because I've been preparing for the Graduate Research Conference which was held today. I don't even know if I can tell you the level of nervousness I felt for this presentation. I presented my paper entitled, "Crisis in the Western Hemisphere: Maternal Healthcare in Haiti". Monday through Thursday, my anxiety level was about a 24 on a 10-point scale. No joke. I even cried one night after my mom asked me how the weather has been. I hope this is not a projection of how my life will be in the future, but it is definitely a representation of how things have been going lately. I have been trying to cope with the tough days healthily - going to the gym and biking until my buttcheeks hurt and my right knee is swollen, staying busy with schoolwork, working, reading, going for a hike, etc. The reality is, though, sometimes I cry. Most times I binge on some form of chocolate, whether it is brownies (or right now, cream-cheese frosted brownies), ice cream, or M&Ms. Often I have a drink or two while I am doing my homework or watching TV. I hit snooze until I absolutely have to get up. I even get lonely...wait, I feel lonely all the time. Is this what it's going to be like, as soon as my life stops being filled with fun, new, exciting things to do? Perhaps it is my issue that I do not know how to entertain myself when the opportunity isn't right in front of my face. I don't know the answer.

But anyways, I realize this post has strayed. The point of it was to let you know how the research conference went. Well, my presentation was fantastic. I did great and felt really confident about it. There was a small technical glitch when the PowerPoint was converted to the older format, but I apologized. Besides that, the presentation was amazing and I did a much better job than I expected. All of that practice time really paid off!!! I was, however, sort of upset that I gave the presentation to an audience of unfamiliar faces. Barack Obama (no, he was not at my presentation....but I know that's what you were thinking, wasn't it????) was speaking this morning on campus, so that took priority for the most part. I totally understand. A professor, however (whose class this presentation was for), told me, "I will be there". Well, she came in as I was answering my last question. Then I sat down because my presentation was done. I can't help but relate this to youth work. One of the six competencies (and perhaps the most important one) is to be dependable and predictable. It is E.S.S.E.N.T.I.A.L. to being a successful youth worker. If I tell a kid that I will be at their basketball game, I will be there. If I can't get there, I need to make every effort to somehow relay that message and a sincere apology later. And I better not be skipping their basketball game for a piddly reason. Anyways, my point is that I know I am not a "youth". I am not under the age of 18, and therefore these perhaps do not apply to me. However, I still believe there is that youth-adult relationship there that goes along with student-professor. And I was let down. It was not predictable or reliable. And I gave a presentation to very energetic and willing faces, but none of which I knew. Perhaps it turned out better than it would have otherwise, and perhaps I am blowing it out of proportion, and perhaps it is no big deal. But I know I won't say anything because I feel that it would be a bit selfiish and egocentric, like an 13-year-old, pissed at their youth worker for not coming to their basketball game. Oh well. Long story short, I did a great job. I've been lonely and trying, trying, trying to be healthy. And I miss my family and friends that are scattered so far about the country and world that I know I will never get to see all of them. And I am ready to be done with school. And I know I am not ready to leave my friends here, but it has to be done. It's all just seeming to end up as a snowball in my brain at one time, and it keeps getting bigger. Anyways, my unclear thoughts have turned into unclear mushy words on my blog. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

But, go brewers!!!!!!!!!!!