Tough (Gender) Issues.

This past week, I returned with Angela to our training site for the first time in a year to help another volunteer with a gender issues camp. It was strange going back to this place that I called home for three months and realizing just how much happens in a year. Sure, it may have been the differences in the city—the road construction in the downtown area was finished, some of the streets seemed to be more lit up, and one of our favorite hang-outs was closed down—but I am pretty sure that has nothing to do with it. Last year, the streets of Dumaguete seemed so foreign, scary, and dark. Everything was completely new and there was a feeling of vulnerability that accompanied it all. At the time, of course, I didn’t realize it. Now, though, it seems incredibly different. The whole city was so friendly and safe, causing me to wonder why I ever thought it was a bit scary to walk around after dark. The reason is because I am the one that has changed, and not the city. This time, we walked those streets with confidence, as much is different now. There we were—poised with accumulated knowledge and experience, ready to take on anything that landed in front of us. It makes me wonder…if returning to Dumaguete (which can serve as a baseline) makes me realize how far I have come after a year, what will returning to the U.S. after two years be like? It is both exciting and scary at the same time, and it is something that I would rather worry about later rather than sooner.

Overall, the youth camp was a success. We brought together about 40 teenagers from five different centers in the area to discuss anything relating to gender issues. The kids seemed to catch on, but I wish I could say the same for the adult facilitators.

There are a lot of topics here that are very sensitive, and that I just won’t offer my opinion on unless I am specifically asked for it—religion, family planning, the education system, fidelity, cultural beliefs in general, etc. For the most part, it is easy to stay quiet, unless I am with a trusted Filipino friend who I can have a mutual conversation with, or if I feel like something is completely unjust (like the race-centered jokes that are told all.of.the.time). Gender, though, is one of those topics where it is just very difficult to stay quiet.

I have heard so many times the phrase “gender sensitive” being thrown around, by NGOs and government organizations, trying to claim their level of “progressiveness”. It is supposed to impress people. Not me. From what I have observed, being “gender sensitive” means that women and girls are taken into consideration, not as equals but almost as if being a woman is a disability. By being “gender sensitive”, many organizations simply make an attempt to show that women are participating. In reality, though, at least in my observations, this is very much still a man’s culture and society. Yes, there is a female president, but that doesn’t exactly make us “progressive” by any means.

There was a moment during the camp that really caused all of the Peace Corps Volunteers to have to pick up our own jaws off of the ground. During one of the large group sessions, this statement was read, “If a woman dresses provocatively and walks around at night, it is her fault if she is raped or sexually assaulted.” Participants had a choice of Agree, Neutral, or Disagree. The group was split—about 50% in the Disagree, 10% in the Neutral, and 40% in Agree. There was even a male house parent from one of the centers that was agreeing to this statement! When asked to express his opinion, he shared that women who look sexy are responsible for putting bad thoughts in men’s heads. Umm, I’m sorry, when did humans revert to simple animals, who don’t have the ability to think logically or make their own decisions? What was equally sad was that those in the Disagree section were arguing for reasons that I wouldn’t even think of—“What if the woman is coming home from a party?” Well, what if she is not? What if she just likes to wear tank tops? By the way, the term “provocative” is pretty subjective, but I am not talking about anything slutty.

Now, I am not about to put you through a venting session on my blog. In the last few weeks, though, I have noticed a pattern when talking with other female Peace Corps Volunteers. With over a year finished in our service, the question of extension often comes up. It says something when the ONLY reason not to extend amongst other female PCVs is because they cannot stand the men. Now, we are not talking about wanting to date the men—we are talking about simply co-existing with them. Walking down the street here is never a leisurely stroll. It is usually not joyful by any means. Yes, there are times when you can walk down the street and make it to your destination without being noticed. That is usually at 5:30 AM, when no one is around. Otherwise, the walk involves men staring at women (especially foreign women), men hocking loogies, men urinating on the sidewalk, men drinking, men sticking their stomachs out with their shirts up, and most annoyingly, men randomly saying comments such as “Hello” or “Good morning, beautiful” after you pass them, since they are too “shy” to say it to your face. Two weeks ago, I visibly lost my temper for the first time, when an older man thought he had the right to grab my shoulder and slowly drag his hand all the way down my arm—as I was walking past him. Apparently, the fact that I was wearing a sleeveless dress was too tempting, and his ability to control his actions was thrown out the window. It is very much a man’s world, and to be a strong woman in a place that is constantly trying to shove you back down is a challenge.

With that said, there are definitely some Filipino men that do not fit this description at all—they are nice, respectful, and treat you as an equal. Yes, they are out there, I am sure of it. I have met a few, and I see a lot of potential in the male youth that I have worked with—they are thinking critically about their world, and hopefully gender and the dynamics within the Philippines has entered into their thoughts. At the same time, I have met so many young, strong women here, and I know that they will take a stand and demand a change in the way that society treats them and what is expected. My two closest Filipina friends both have boyfriends and both insist on delaying marriage until the time is right and they have accomplished some of their personal goals. Both being mid-20s, with a very young average marriage age here, this says a lot about where the trend is going. The key demographic factor of these two friends though, I believe, is that they are both college-educated. Most of the population is not.

One thing that has also come up within the past few weeks regarding gender is how American women are seen around the globe. I have had several great conversations with co-workers recently, most notably in our taxi rides home after long days of training or in the community. The most common question that comes up is, “Lynn, is it true that women in the US are liberated?” While I have many ways that I want to answer this question in my head, my boilerplate response is, “What is your definition of ‘liberated’?” This question is usually responded to with something along the lines of, “Well, is it true that American women have sex at a very young age?” To which I respond, “What age do you think that American women have sex at?” The response. “Well, they say that girls in the US have sex starting at the age of 9 or 10.” To which I calmly respond, “Who is ‘they’ that is telling you this?” Usually with no idea of who this mysterious ‘they’ is, we launch into a mutual conversation about the similarities between women here and women in the US. One thing I make sure to point out is that everyday I see at least a handful of girls (not women, but girls) who are pregnant and who are somewhat forced into a marriage that they do not want and into a family that they are not mature enough to handle. We eventually arrive at a conclusion involving something along the lines of all women, no matter what nationality, are individuals but that they actually have a lot in common. If we are lucky, we delve into the portrayal of women in the media and the difference between television and real life. If we are lucky. And don’t worry—I definitely dispel the belief that American girls are having sex at age 9.

So, are women in the US “liberated”, you ask? Yes, if by “liberated” you mean that we are encouraged to follow our dreams and have the ability and social support to do so (usually). Yes, if by “liberated” you mean that we can find good jobs and be successful in our careers, while simultaneously being girlfriends, wives, mothers, grandmothers. Yes, if by “liberated” you mean that we have control over our own bodies and the knowledge (hopefully) to make decisions as our maturity allows us. Yes, if by “liberated” you mean that we can wear clothes that are flattering and not be stared at or reduced to feeling like an object as soon as we walk out of our houses. Yes, if by “liberated” you mean that we pursue higher education, global experiences, and professional advancement, all because we can. So, I guess the answer is yes, we are liberated.

Gender everywhere seems to be a complicated issue, and with only being here a year, I am only beginning to understand. Like many things, it is a dichotomy. But alas, I will leave you with some pictures of our camp—which again, was a total success, thanks to how awesome our fellow volunteer, Elizabeth, is!