"What's wrong with your face?"

What I already knew shortly after arriving in the Philippines and what I recently learned several times within the last few days is that there are definite cultural differences when it comes to what is okay and not okay to say to someone else regarding their personal appearance. Don’t get me wrong…I’m all about giving my honest opinion about someone when it’s asked. And sometimes a little white lie may be necessary, and I’m okay with that too. But there are just some things that, no matter how much I understand and respect cultural differences in communication, still get a bit personal.

The other day, I arrived at work and on my way to attend a staff meeting, I was closely observed by a co-worker, and what came out of his mouth was, “Ohh….what happened to your face?” He was looking at my forehead and starting to point, and not remembering anything particular that was WRONG with my face earlier that day, I asked, “What? What do you mean?”. We then discussed the pimples that were apparently on my forehead, and his theory of their existence is because of lack of sleep. I agreed, even though there is no way, since I get plenty of sleep since my time is not occupied by much else these days. About two hours after this conversation, I returned home and looked in the mirror, expecting to see horrible pimples that had somehow sprouted between the time I showered that morning and the time I arrived at work. Now, we all tend to be over-critical of ourselves and tend to notice flaws that are there that other people may not notice at all. After looking in the mirror, I decided that I had absolutely no pimples on my face at the moment, and particularly NOTHING (not even blotchiness, redness, or an on-the-brink pimple) on my forehead. So the answer to the question next time will be, “What’s wrong with YOUR face?” It’s like something a fourth-grader would say to another kid on the playground. Ouch.

Today, I arrived and hadn’t even had time to get to my office when I was told, “Ay, you’re gaining weight.” I countered with, “No, I weigh myself every week, and my weight has stayed the same”, just to state the truth. I also wanted to add, you should have seen me BEFORE I came to the Philippines, or I’m allowed to be a little chubby since it is Christmas season ya know, or wow I actually thought my thighs were looking fantastic today in these jeans, or my body seems to think it’s winter and in winter I bulk up to keep warm, but I didn’t. In actuality, I haven’t gained any weight at all, but the shirt I was wearing was meant to fit me at a much bigger state. Another co-worker then chimed in with, “You’ve gotten fat and are no longer sexy. Muahahahahah.” Now, this was a quick change of events from the normal comments I receive about my body (usually on a daily basis), such as, “Ah Lynn, you are much more beautiful now that you’re skinny.” Or, “Don’t lose any more weight, just maintain, perfect.” Well, thank you very much since I never asked anyone’s opinion anyways. Even with the so called “compliments”, I’d prefer to go without knowing that everything I do and how I look at each minute throughout the day is scrutinized and judged.

Call it a cultural difference that I completely respect, but it’s not doing much for boosting my self-esteem, which was actually pretty great before the invisible pimples were pointed out and before I seemed to have lost my sexiness.

Cheers :)