REFLECTIONS on a QUARTER CENTURY of LIFE.

Today begins the series of days in which I am about to reflect on my upcoming birthday in a somewhat teary-eyed, completely grateful and appreciative, and slightly proud (hopefully not arrogant) manner. As much as I hate to admit the truth, I do absolutely love those emotional, sappy moments of reminiscing on days past and experiences yet to come. As you may or may not be aware, I am going to soon be the owner of twenty-five wonderful years of life, which equals exactly a quarter-century. You may say, “Big deal, right?”. Well, I would just like to highlight those people and experiences in my short life that have been important to me (without naming too many names, for fear of leaving someone out…..since you have ALL had such an impact in my life). This is not meant to be a shrine to Lynn and her experiences, but rather a shrine to all who have partaken, encouraged, befriended, guided, loved, confronted, counseled, and taught her. THANK YOU.

First, I want to let you know how I approach birthdays. For fifty weeks of the year, I consider my birthday no big deal—I mean, we all have them, right? I am horrible at sending cards (I’d rather give personal messages…it’s just, sometimes…I forget). I always say I’m not going to do much or anything for my birthday, besides celebrate with family of course, since November is big for birthdays in my family. However, then two weeks before my birthday arrives, and I start to accumulate the excitement of a four-year-old on Christmas Eve. I usually casually remind everyone that it’s my birthday, and I have no idea why…I mean, we all have them, right? But then my birthday usually turns into a weeklong celebration, because I think everyone deserves to celebrate for an entire week. What appears to be humility and nonchalant-ness quickly turns into birthday obsession and overindulgence mixed with a little bit of reflection. The reflection, of course, is always positive. I think back on the last year of my life, and I think, “Hell, 24 was great, so 25 has got to be even MORE fantastic.” Last year, it was, “Whoa—23 was so amazing, I’ve GOT to find a way to make 24 even better.” I figure with this approach that my life can only continue to go uphill, right? I mean, I understand that there are bumps in the road, but overall the years have been good to me. (I mean…I DO just keep getting better-looking…haha, that’s Filipino humor…I think).

FAMILY

I just want to start out by appreciating the people whom I believe to create the most fantastic family in the world—the Cosbys. No, just kidding—I am really thinking about my family at home! I truly believe that I was blessed with the family I was not because they needed all the challenges in life that came along with me, but because I needed all the support and encouragement that they have given me through every obstacle I have encountered. Not only does every single member of my family play a significant role in my life, but they also each add a bit of fun to every day and every moment.

Although it’s difficult sometimes, my family has let me be “me” for every moment throughout these twenty-five years. I remember a time when I was really young—I must have been four or five. There were a bunch of people over at our house, and me being the youngest child and a little self-absorbed (my brother Scott could probably attest to that as still being true today), I thought I just wasn’t getting the attention that I deserved. Extremely upset, I packed my mini-suitcase that was normally used for doll clothes and boldly headed through the kitchen past all the people, announcing that I was running away. This may sound like neglect, but nobody tried to stop me. For all they know, I could have went to the main highway and hitchhiked my way out of that little village. Thank goodness I didn’t make that decision though. Instead, I marched across the street and knocked on the front door of my neighbor’s house, and at that time, my best friend. Her Mom answered, but sadly, she was at dance class. Hm, what was I to do? I asked if I could just stay there and wait until she got home, but I couldn’t. Having no where to go, I sauntered back across the street to my house, knowing that I didn’t succeed but also knowing that there would still be open arms at home. It was a time where I needed to be “me”—even though it involved running away. This has happened figuratively so many more times throughout my life, and more so perhaps in my adult life, but because of my amazing family, I always know that there will be open arms to go back to. For that I am grateful.

I also need to thank my family for always letting me learn my own lessons. So many parents try to shelter their children from learning life the hard way, but I am so grateful that I have not been overly protected from the world—well, I have always felt safe because of them, but I was always allowed to stray just enough to learn things on my own. And life’s lessons have been so fruitful because of this. I mean, yes, sometimes I need to learn the lessons many, many times, but who doesn’t? I remember a time when I was on a family vacation at Fay Lake—I must have been three years old. I was enjoying time in the shallow end of the pool (or poo-yoo, as I used to call it) and the kiddie pool, when I decided that it was finally time to try jumping into the deep end. Don’t worry—I was completely decked out in my red Snoopy life jacket. I practiced a few times, and my Dad caught me so I wouldn’t go under. Well, I then decided the time had come to jump in on my own. I asked my Dad if I needed to plug my nose, and he said no. Well, what he forgot to tell me was that I did still need to hold my breath. This sounds neglectful, but it definitely was not, because I think we would all forget about this little detail. I gathered all my courage and jumped in! Even with Snoopy helping me out, I still plummeted below the water for what seemed like minutes, but was really only a split second, trying to breathe normally. Needless to say, the inhalation of a full mouthful of water into my lungs was not too pleasant, and I was not very happy with my Dad. Even though it wasn’t an intentional learning moment (well, I hope it wasn’t intentional), I still learned the hard way that yes, one must hold their breath while going under the water. Of course not all my experientially-learned life lessons are quite this scarring (I mean, since I’m blogging about it at almost-25, I clearly haven’t gotten over the trauma…haha), but they are all a part of me, and for that I am grateful.

I also need to do a shout-out to my family at this moment because not once have they shown frustration towards, what seems to me, my sometimes aimless direction in life. I mean, really, many parents or siblings or relatives would say or think questions such as, “When are you going to finally get a real job?” or, “ Why do you continue to move in and out of my basement like a bum?” or, “Are you ever going to be able to afford good birthday gifts?” or, “Don’t you think you should settle down and stop wandering around the world?” or, “Lynn keeps saying she owes me a dinner…it’s now added up to 749 dinners that she owes.” Well, maybe these questions have been thought (and I’ll be honest—I am constantly wondering these same questions about myself), but they have never been outwardly expressed. My dreams have been encouraged and supported, no matter how crazy they seem (well, thank you for not supporting my dream in fourth grade of being the first woman in the NFL – life would be very different now). For that I am grateful!

Overall, I am “me” because of my family. They have shaped me into a solid base of a human being, given me their values and encouraged me to develop my own, instilled in me a desire to learn, told me it’s okay to worry sometimes and have bad days, shown me what an amazing work-ethic is, supported me no matter what, and shown me that there is no reason not to enjoy life. For that, I am grateful!

FRIENDS

In reflecting upon my twenty-five years, there is no way that I could forget to appreciate my friends who have challenged me, loved me, inspired me, allowed me to have a junk-food day (or week, for that matter), and made me laugh so much that my stomach hurt for hours after. There are really too many people to put here and too many things to write, but I am so grateful for each and every person that has positively come into my life and the knowledge and inspiration and life lessons they have brought me. I have been blessed to have so many different friends from different experiences—friends from grade school, high school, Marquette, Ireland, UWM, AmeriCorps, Guatemala, random summer jobs, co-workers, Montana, and now, Peace Corps—that often it is so hard to sort everyone and know what each person is doing, but each and every person has meant a lot. Especially as most of us are going through the tumultuous mid-20s (I say most because some friends and mentors are as old as their 70s), it is more of a struggle each day as we continue to try to stay connected but geography or daily life seem to get in the way. It seems, too, that as I get older, the quality of my friendships seems to grow into something deeper and more genuine. Especially after moving to Montana, I feel that I now have a manageable number of close friendships, making all the slots seem full! It is difficult to conceive of letting more people in, for fear that I will cheat my already-friends out of the good-quality friendships they deserve. The solution is simple—I need to stop making friends. Okay, just kidding. No one wants to be the single old spinster without friends besides her own cats (well, besides Abby and I and a few others that I’ve discussed this with). For all this, I am grateful!

For each friend that I have, I can definitely link something important that I’ve learned to them, usually during a specific moment. From my friends, I have learned such things as how to communicate effectively and directly with others, how to attractively cut the collar of a T-shirt, how to cook enchiladas, how to be a better dart player, how to love myself, how to simply enjoy a baguette and choco-duo in middle of Europe, how to put on eyeliner, how to identify an avocado, how to spot a good mullet, and how to enjoy life. There are so many moments that I could describe in detail, but in hopes of not boring you (who am I kidding, you fell asleep five paragraphs ago!), I am only going to mention one. And this is not because of any special reason besides that I would definitely NOT be the person I am today if there hadn’t been this one single conversation that took place.

In 2004, after returning from Ireland and finishing up my fifth semester as an engineering student, I found myself wallowing in my own depression and experiencing reverse culture shock at its finest. I hated everything I was doing and had reached the point of not even liking myself. I had no clue what life was meant for, because at that time I was just focused on getting through the day. I couldn’t feel the connection to other humans that I really wanted, and I was frustrated and at the end of my rope. Alcohol was usually used for sedation, so that I didn’t really have to feel my lack of confidence, anger, and sadness. (Wow, this sounds like a BAD made-for-TV movie…watch local listings for airing on Lifetime). After spending a weekend at home that November to get away from the tedious homework that was overtaking my life, I knew that I couldn’t continue what I was doing. Something had to change, but I didn’t know what or how. Since I had no clue what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be, or even who I was at that time, I thought maybe I would take a semester off to work and save some money and just think and wallow. I mean, I had to figure it out at some point, right? After that weekend, I caught a ride back to Milwaukee with my friend Amy, who I’ve known since high school. I discussed everything I was going through with her in the hour and a half drive (because I found out that bottling it up doesn’t help either), and she listened like a good friend does. We discussed my options and since it was getting down to the wire of choosing whether to remain registered or not for next semester (codeword: tuition bill), she suggested that maybe I would like social work. How silly did I feel that at 21-years-old I didn’t even know what the heck a social worker did? I had no clue. She was studying it, and she thought maybe I would like it because it was all about helping others, which is exactly what I was saying I needed. In that simple car-ride that wasn’t even long enough to stop for a bathroom break, my life changed and headed down the road it was meant to go. By the end of the week, I had meetings scheduled with two different social work programs and I started working on my transfer-student application. Where would I be today without Amy? I have no idea! I mean, I can literally trace every educational or career choice since then back to that one conversation. What would have happened if I would have blindly pursued my fifth-grade dream of being a pilot or my short-term goal of just making money?!?! Whoa. Thanks Amy, for everything you are and have done for me. I owe you dinner sometime!

And thanks to everyone else who I could write and write and write about, even though it’s not here. For having all of those stories and memories of ways that I have been loved and challenged, I am grateful!

EDUCATION & EXPERIENCES

Throughout these twenty-five years, I’ve also been blessed to have so many cherished experiences where I’ve seen the world, the human spirit, and myself in whole new lights. While the list is endless, I am grateful for each and every one because not only did I learn endless amounts, but all of these experiences gave me the chance to spend quality time with those I love and those I didn’t even know would be my good friends someday. From my quality Catholic education to my world travels to my bike trip last summer to family vacations, they’ve all come at the right time and brought the right people into my life. For that, I am grateful!

WHAT NEXT?

Well, obviously, you are probably like, “What do you mean ‘what’s next?’—you’re in the Peace Corps, crazy reflective woman.” Yes, this is true. If all goes as planned, I will be spending twenty-five and twenty-six here in the Philippines, and who knows where twenty-seven will be? Peace Corps is definitely a time where people ask themselves what is next in life, so it’s not necessarily tied to my birthday reflections. But, who knows what’s next? I’ve entertained endless ideas of what my life could look like after this, but really, since I can’t tell the future, I won’t know until I get there!

Thanks for being a blog-reader, and most of all, a friend. .